Quiz
1) Think back five months ago, were u single: I guess.
2) Who can you blame for your bad mood today: Me who else?
3) How was your last night: Sleepless.
4) How do you feel right now: Missing.
5) Who were the first two people who heard you this morning: My mother and sister?
6) What are you listening to: Crazy - Simple Plan
7) Do you think someone is thinking about you right now: Nope but I wish it was her.
8) Last thing you bought: I am not sure.
9) Are you a jealous person: Only if involves that person.
10) Does it take a lot to make u cry: Only if involves that person.
11) What will you be doing at 12:30pm : Slacking.
12) Do you think alot before you sleep: Of Coz.
13) Whats running through you right now: Playing a game, what's a good strategy.
14) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to: Yes, at least 2.
15) Do you like to cuddle/snuggle: LOL.
16) How late did you stay up last night: 12+ only
17) Who are your favourite people to talk to when you are down: Same 2?
18) Are you a patient person: Yes. Still waiting hor.
19) Are you mean: To certain people.
20) Is your life anything like it was a year ago: No. Everything changed and I not happy with it.

Hmm. Exams these two days.
Lazy blog.

Today I shall blog about yesterday.
Yesterday morning, had physic class in sch.
Mostly didn't pay attention, talking about dota.
After physic class, went home rest for 1hour before going church.
Reached church around 1.30.
Had lunch then met Jolene and Samuel.
Wait awhile then Aunty Pauline, Uncle Chunling, Gloria, Marcus and Tina came.
Soon our IC came who was Tabita.
Helped move some chairs and tables.
It was so hot, FangFang asked whether I went swimming. LOL.
Then up to blk 40A where out briefing was.
After that, went down again.
Washed the containers to make Milo and Orange Juice.
After doing that, we boys so bored, we went to room 209 i think.
Slack there.
Josiah never do his forfeit but lucky AP paired him with the person he suppose to do forfeit to.
Talk about luck.
Marcus paired with Shumei, J^2, Jolene with Gerald and Charisse with me.
Like yesterday's YES Event like not many newcomers.
Walked around, finding newcomers let them eat pies and ice-lollies.
Pies all finished followed by ice-lollies.
Ate one ice-lolly but I wanted pie.
Haha.
Samuel and Josiah brought friends.
Yesterday's sermon was on hope.
The next YES Event more people say will come with me.
That's cool.
Oh, the pies were from pie kia.
Fun day.
Next week, Redhill Outreach during the exams.
Better start revision.

WALAO THIS SUX.
IKE EXPECTED, WHOLE SPA CMI LIAO LA.
DAMN ANGRY AT MYSELF.
LIFE GOING DOWN HILL.
EVERYTHING GONE.
WHAT AM I LEFT WITH?
NOW O LEVEL ALSO DOWN LIAO.
WHY DON'T JUST FORFEIT MY LIFE LA.
SPA PAPER 20% FOR CHEM BYEBYE LIAO.
PERSON I LIKE ALSO IGNORE.
I'M JUST LEFT BROKEN BY EVERYTHING.
EVEN MY HEALTH ALSO NO GOOD.
I'M SWALLOWED BY EVERYTHING.
I WONT BE SLEEPING FOR LONG HOURS ANYMORE.
IT ALREADY SO STRESSFUL.
AND NOW WITH MY RESULTS LIKE THAT WHY DONT I JUST GO DIE LA.
EVEN IF I DONT. I GOING STUDY EVERYDAY.
I DONT WANT ANYMORE THINGS TO DISTRACT ME.
(CANT SAY THE SAME ABOUT HER)
I NEVER GOING BELIEVE IN CERTAIN THINGS ALREADY.
YOU CAN GET WHAT YOU WANT.
I'LL JUST GIVE YOU IT.
HOPE I WONT HAVE ANYMORE OF SUCH THINGS.
EVEN IF IT TAKES YEARS, ONLY HER BUT I WONT DO ANYTHING.
HURTFUL LIFE.
HATEFUL LIFE.
FULL OF SORROW.
I'M NOW EVER MORE READY TO RECEIVE THAT "HONOR" OF MEET THE PARENTS.
Love? There is no such thing.

Hellish.
Today later got SPA O Level paper.
How nice.
Phone going confiscated T.T
There goes to listening to music during recess and mt period.
Hate this.
I in second shift so wont expect my phone so soon.
I want faint but cant faint tomorrow.
Yesterday the Bio test ok la.
The last period was ridiculous.
Senthil most blur.
Eat lunch liao, went back home.
On way, met someone's mother by accident.
I hope you wont think I purposely went find.
Also hope she wont cry leh.
-.-'' I post that and I feel like what.
Cant believe yet again another SPA O Level, wont have your support.
Today must be carefully for the Paper.
I confirm must sleep a little more than the past few days.
If not later I for sure cant take it.
It is not my sleep that is draining my life out of me.
It something so hard to explain.
Cant say, talk, communicate is like killing me everyday.
Only just pass 1month of her ignoring me and I cant take it.
How am I going to go through the rest of the year and so.
So hard to snap out of this.
I yesterday finally finish the whole twilight series.
2days of reading Breaking Dawn.
My whole new record.
Actually if time properly, less than 24 hours.
Which means less than 1 day.
Until now I still living in my own world.
Thinking is only last week or two weeks ago.
If you ask me what's in that world of mine, I would say there is nothing at all.
Maybe for a few exceptions like my true friends like J, my god-siblings, missed everyone of them and that someone that I shall not mention since I'm being hated by.
I really understand what it means when my world just comes crashing down.
Impact so sudden.
Is there someone that understands what I'm going through.
I think tomorrow SPA, going mess up like the previous.

HELL. Happened again.
Feel like dying.
Stupid vision thing.
If these keep up, I probably lose my vision.
Or there is something wrong with my health.
Who cares about it since I lost everything.
Losing more things doesn't change anything.
Thinking of asking people call me Markus better than now.
Hate this life.
What can I do?
Nothing except of worrying about her.
Damn useless I.
Already prepared tests to fail and meet-parents-session liao.
Have not been sleeping for nights.
Just started again.
Any moment, like going let go of myself.
Focusing myself awake.
At least got Breaking Dawn to keep me awake.
Won't be so much of a chore.
Everyday is so pain to go through.
Just mention something bad that might happened to her and I would have fallen in to the trap.
Fell into MingHao's trick today.
I'm like on a drug.
There is no cure.
Perhaps I'm just to suffer for eternity.

TIRED.
PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED.
THIS WEEK SO MANY TESTS, NEXT WEEK EXAMS.
CAN DIE ALREADY.
I KNOW MY TEACHERS GOT THEIR WAY OF FINDING OUR BLOGS.
CANT BE BOTHERED IF THEY EVEN KNEW.
MY ONLY TRUE FRIEND SEEMS TO BE J.
CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK THAT I BECOME ANTI.
IS JUST THAT I GOT TOO MANY PROBLEMS TO HANDLE.
WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE WHEN I NOT SUPPOSE TO.
IT JUST SO HARD TO EXPRESS ONE'S SELF.
I DONE TOO MUCH WRONG IN THE BEGINNING OF YEAR.
SHIT THIS.
LOST FRIENDS. AND CRUSH.
LOST MOTIVATION, LOST MYSELF.
FROM A PERSON WHO PLANS AHEAD TO A PERSON WHO TRIES TO LIVE LIFE HAPPILY EACH DAY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTING IN FRONT OF SO MANY PEOPLE.
LYING THROUGH MY EXPRESSIONS.
I NOT LONGER THE SAME.
I AM NO LONGER AROUND.
I'M JUST A MESSED UP PERSON.
MESSED UP EVERYTHING.
HATE IS THE ONLY THING PEOPLE PROBABLY LOOK AT ME.
I'M SUCH A HYPOCRITE.
THERE IS NO WANTS BUT A NEED.
AND IT WONT HAPPEN.
I'M NOT COUNTING ON ANYTHING TO HAPPEN.
AS I KNOW SOMETHINGS ARE JUST IMPOSSIBLE.
TO HELL WITH LIFE.
AND WHATS THE OUTCOME?
BEEN WEAK!
FEELING FAINT, VISION CUT SHORT LIKE SHIT.
A LIFE WORST THAN DEATH.
VISION BLACKED OUT GETTING MORE OFTEN, WONT BE SURPRISED IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN.
PERHAPS I WONT BE AROUND SOON.

Conditions - Keeping Pace With Planes

Yesterday night couldn't sleep as I had drank coffee.
Regret drinking it siah.
Not sure what time I slept but woke up at 7.
Played game then 11.3o went out to study with my new meimei.
While walking to bus-stop, saw my other mei, LiZi.
LOL. So coincident.
LiZi go liao then my other mei come.
LOL.
Went to CP with my new mei, PHY.
Go BK eat lunch then study for 6hours straight.
Due to some people saying they miss people.
Went to meet my bro, CZM.
At Hougang Point.
Paid for mei dinner, all eat liao.
Go home.
Feel so extra like light bulb.
Come home, rest.
Now blogging.
Oh ya, met a lot of my friends.
I nt sure what to say abt them.
Both each other like dun wan say.
Probably they know hard bah.
One chi shu another not.
Can envy them about their feelings for each other.
Wish my life it would happen now.
PHY was correct, I do envy.
Now just hope my mei wont get hurt again..

Sianz.
Today had 2.4 run.
Sick still need run.
I just run la.
In end run, got 6th.
Not bad bah, for a sick person.
After that run, on way to class.
My vision just blanked out again.
Lucky didn't faint.
Was on the verge of fainting.
I guess I'm just putting more pressure on myself.
Class ended at 10.40.
Was sitting in canteen waiting for school gate open.
Open liao, went eat lunch with tmh, fishball, sk, navan, bp.
Eat like one hour plus.
Came home, took medicine.
Waited to play game with Navan, sk and bp.
In end I fell asleep.
Woke up liao, played the 2nd match.
Dunno what is going wrong for me this whole year.
Play half way, dc.
Damn sh!t.
I dc is like once in a lifetime.
Cant help but feel something is just missing in my life.
I think I know what is it but whats the point.
My life everyday go through same things.
This is so crap.

Happy Birthday MingHao.
Hope you have a great birthday.
Just wished I would have a birthday like that with my close friends.
Maybe falling in a swimming pool is much better than cake smashing.
Everyday just want to sms people that I want to sms to.
I think I don't have the guts.
Or probably I don't want to change anything anymore.
All I'm doing now is just living each day as it is.
Without planning, without thinking.
Can even predict at this time what I'm doing.
It just like an endless cycle.
Life just seems so different from past.

David Archuleta - My Hands

Accidentally, on purpose
I dropped my watch behind the tire
Threw my alarm clock inside the fireplace, yeah

And I put the parental control on
On the news and the weather channel
I'm outside in my robe, I'm looking for you, oh

If every thing'd stop, I'd listen for your heart
To lead me right to you, yeah
I tried every way I can

But it's harder to hold on to your hands
Than the hands of time, I need a hand, girl
I'm trying to hold on, losing strength
In these hands of mine, I need you here

I'm trying to hold on, standing here
Open hands and I know I can't do this alone
Hold on, oh, hold on, lemme hold on
(To my hands)

Hold on to my hands
(Don't let go of my hands)
Don't let go

I don't think this is working
Freezing so hard, my hands are hurting
Ought to let go in the first place

And I put the phone on the front lawn
Everything that shows time is gone
I'm outside in this cold still looking for you

If every thing'd stop, I'd listen for your heart
To lead me right to you, yeah
I tried every way I can

But it's harder to hold on to your hands
Than the hands of time, I need a hand, girl
I'm trying to hold on, losing strength
In these hands of mine, I need you here

I'm trying to hold on, standing here
Open hands and I know I can't do this alone
Hold on, oh hold on, baby hold on
(Hold on to my, my hands, yeah)
(Don't let go of my hands)

Don't ever let me go
(Hold on to my, my hands, yeah)
(Don't let go of my hands)

If every thing'd stop, I'd listen for your heart
To lead me right to you, yeah
I tried every way I can

But it's harder to hold on to your hands
Than the hands of time, I need a hand, girl
I'm trying to hold on, losing strength
In these hands of mine, I need you here

I'm trying to hold on, standing here
Open hands and I know I can't do this alone
Hold on, hold on, baby, hold on
(Hold on to my hands)

Can you hold on to my hands?
(Don't let go of my hands)
Don't let go
(Hold on to my hands)

Can you hold on to my hands?
(Don't let go of my hands)
Baby, hold on
(Hold on my hands)

Went to school even though I got fever.
Took medicine in school
Lessons were pretty much boring.
A bit emo bah.
Dunno what's wrong with me.
Went eat lunch after school.
After eating had to rush home.
Sorry guys, had to go home to take medicine.
And also didn't really feel like staying there.
I really miss you.
I know nothing about can be done now.
Just concentrate on your studies pls?
Cant help but want to ask you how you are doing,
I'm so useless.

Went as school as per normal.
Lucky today didn't faint.
Nothing much.
Only had a Emaths test.
Very difficult.
Had something soupy for recess.
Needed it.
Eat liao, go back class rest.
Rest of periods very slack.
Went eat lunch with bp,fishball, tmh, gauwei, chenwei after school.
Went home, then go see doctor.
On way, felt like got headache.
In end got fever.
After see doc, went back home.
Download show to watch.
Later take medicine bah.
By hook or crook tomorrow will still go school.
Also no MC. So need go.
Haiz. Sick still got things on my mind.
But it won't happen.
Just got something to concern about.
Anyone want go taka find breaking dawn?

Guess what happen today?
I fainted in school.
Surprising right.
Must because I really sick.
My whole vision was blacked out.
I don't want black out.
Only regain back vision minutes later.
Must thank ZhenDao and Eric for helping me.
Continued to stay in school for lessons.
Jenisha so funny.
Ask is it cause somebody that's why I sick.
Didn't reply.
No point.
Went grab a burger to eat in case teacher find me ask me why never eat.
Sorry maybe for this week only.
Continued to have Chemistry test.
Class was pretty slack today.
Ate lunch with TMH, Fishball, Brandon, Bp, Junfa and Sylvester.
Went home, rest.
Later go study.
Watch TV first.
Bye.
Tomorrow go see Doctor.

Lucky you didn't see it.
I don't want you to think that you are the cause of it.
You just concentrate on your studies.
Don't audi anymore.

Today quite slack.
Studied from 11-2.
2.30 went out to grandmother place.
7 went eat dinner.
8 Reach home, used com.
And now I'm sick.
Freak this.
Tomorrow got test.
How going revise for other tests.

A Little Too Not Over You is quite a nice song.
Like what I'm going through now. Haiz.

Today very slack.
Did nothing for whole day.
Wished got something to do.
Changed blog song to A Little Too Not Over You.

David Archuleta - A Little Too Not Over You

Oohhhh oh, oh..

It never crossed my mind at all.
It's what I tell myself.
What we had has come and gone.
You're better off with someone else.
It's for the best, I know it is.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside,
And I turn around.
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why it's so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you....

Memories, supposed to fade.
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go.
Didn't think it'd be this hard.
Should be strong, movin' on.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside.
And I turn around,
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why it's so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Maybe I regret everything I said,
No way to take it all back, yeah...
Now I'm on my own..
How I let you go, I'll never understand.
I'll never understand, yeah, oohh..
Oohhh, oohhh, oohhhh..
Oohhh, ooohhhh, oohhh.

Tell me why it's so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Tell me why it's so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
And I really don't know what to do.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you, oohhh..

I need break my odd day post as today there is something I want to blog about.
Today is Good Friday.
Was really ministered during the Inner-Court session.
Went to church at 11.
Had briefing of my duty.
Went do my duty.
Duty nothing much.
The more interesting thing is the whole Inner-Court experience.
Went for the feet washing first.
Earlier on, was on duty for this.
And now I am doing it.
The whole feet washing thing did not ministered to me.
All I know is God gave the person helping me a vision of a sunflower.
He explained it to me but when I hear, it like not really true for now.
Never mind, it doesn't hurts to fail.
Went for Holy Communion.
Since not many people, pastors prayed for us.
After that, went for Anointing & Prophecy.
The person praying for me asked me whether I like speed.
I just reply so so.
She said God wanted me to know that I been going too fast.
When I heard that, I just thought was the things that happened.
Was I that reckless?
Causing so much hurt?
Went for the station - At the Cross with Jesus.
Took a scroll, prayed the things on the booklet before reading the scroll.
This what the scroll said.
Genesis 15: 1
After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, saying, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward."
I saw this and just went into prayer.
It just reminds me of what I recently do.
Even if it is the best for us, I still can find refuge in God.
That is what I think God is telling me.
So I decided that tonight I going to have a long Quiet Time.

Ok done with Good Friday activities.
After church, went J8 to look for book but cant find.
In end bought next issue of my daily bread.
Dinner went to Hougang Mall.
Met Nich and Esther.
All Hougang Primary classmates.
I think done blogging.

Haiz.
Still cant decide leh.
My heart want to do it but my mind tell me not to.
If I do, things wont be same liao.
Don't do, like very weird.
Been thinking it would be easy but it is way harder.
Everyday like not my normal self.
See or hear you, must act as if I don't know you.
Classmates joke about you, must act like I never hear the name.
Talk bad about you, I needed to tolerate.
I just not sure how long can I keep up with this.
People say that telling the truth is the best.
I don't really find that really true.
What would happen if I didn't even say?
Would it still be like last time?
Would it make a differences if I turn back the hands of time?
I should just been contented just being friends with you.
Rather than now, everything so mixed up.
Might even end you migrating.
I have become like a burden to all, including myself.
Everything I have done has consequences.
From the drop of results to me interacting with my friends.
I really wanted to tell you something but I just can't make my decision.
It reminds me of the relationship in the book Eclipse, Jacob and Bella.
Just that we two have to ignore each other.
Perhaps I really have to be like Jacob, just to watch you being happy.
And the need to run away from reality.
I really can't bear doing nothing.
Hear that you are sick or having a asthma attack.
Makes me worried and want to sms you to check on you.
But what's the point of asking when I know you won't reply me at all.
Was up whole of last 2 nights, thinking whether you are fine.
I'm not blaming you at all.
Just concern.
If want to blame, I should just blame myself for fall in so deeply.
I have really made my Quiet Time regularly.
Just to pray for school as well as for you.
Like you would bother what I do.
I'm still keeping my promise to you, but would you even remember?
It probably would be the last thing I would have done for you.
Other than what I am doing in school during recess.
What I wanted to say to you is that I really want ask for your forgiveness.
Been doing my Quiet Time and one of it was on asking forgiveness.
The first person I thought after I read the passage was you.
I brought to you so much trouble and pain.
Second thing is I already should have expected this from the start.
Earlier on in the year, I prayed that God would show me signs if I did the right thing of asking you.
2 signs appeared in front of me but I practically ignored them.
I guessed I deserved it after ignoring it.
Thirdly is yes, I really will give up this time since you requested it.
I don't want to bring any misery to you anymore.
Rather I suffer in silent since I'm the cause.
Just being able to see or to know that you are happy and well, I would be contented to know that.
I know this message would never reach you.
At least it is out of my heart.
Even if you did see this, I know there won't be a reply.

2 test this week canceled.
Not fun siah.
Still nothing has happened.
I really want to know what to do.
Blog changed song.
Hope you will get well.

Let's Talk Trust - School Boy Humor
No lyrics. Internet cant find.

Just surfed forum.
Found this BY2 song quite nice.

This coming week so many test.
SS textbook not with me, cant study for tomorrow test.
Now need study for other subjects.
Yesterday didn't even study.
Left house 1pm to go for RHO.
Reach there 2pm.
Only one there.
Wait till 2.30 then only people starting coming -.-''
Should have gone Tiong Bahru for lunch first.
Next time will.
Walked to block.
Then saw Gerald.
Cashcard bo $, Marcus help him pay.
Went with Tina to call some kids down.
Only managed to call one girl, Angel.
Saw in all house, Only fit one big bed then hardly got space.
Went down, had a sing-a-long.
Marcus and Edmund did puppet show.
Followed by games by Shu Mei and Gloria.
Art Craft by Jolene and Cherlene.
Last minute that day got terence birthday.
If i remember correct is 7 year old bah.
Bused back to Church.
Reach there, worship started.
Next YES event, is called Got Hope?
Makes me wonder.
Why all YES event this year like so coincidence.
Feb sth happen to me and event was called, Got Love?
Now like no hope and event called Got Hope?
Maybe God trying to speak to me?
Remembered in Feb, prayed on sth and ask for it to be shown during week.
In end next day appear and didnt believe.
Prayed that day and following day, it happen again.
It does seem like God is trying to speak to me, so I better open up my ears and listen for it.
I really want say something to someone but not sure whether I should say.
I just got to pray about it.
Also need to study for alot of test this week.
And for upcoming SPA, Good Friday Church activity and following saturday activity.
Most importantly, YES EVENT!!!
I really want my classmates to come.
Thats all for now.
Got to study ss which is not going in.

Finally edition of the video.
Below is video.
Yesterday bp birthday.
Never ask us go for a small surprise.
Anyway 2weeks later got TMH de.
Next thursday also someone birthday.
Today weights training so hard.
Now arms damn pain.
Tomorrow Red Hill Outreach.
Finally completed Battle Realms also.
So long.

Happy April Fools?
So fast April liao.
Yesterday had Emaths test and geog test.
Geog is like CMI.
I have no idea what to blog.
Happy Birthday BP.
One day earlier.
Going Sleep bye.